Justification.

Yes, I know that you are not in the best of places with me now. I know I've acted like a brat, a petulant whiny one at that.
I'm sorry.
If you'd like, now that I'm a wee bit more reasonable, I have some reasons why.
I think why I defy you, and revolt when you ask me to do something, is that it feels like you are the only person that I can say no to. I always want the people immediately around me to be happy, so much so that I tend to just do what is asked of me, because I know that it will keep the peace. Even though I pretty much know by now that you react with little grace to my childish-ness, I can't help myself. It's as though I want to see you change. For your knee-jerk reaction to be just the smallest amount different, for me to not flinch when you're in a bad mood and I'm nearby. I know that your reaction is just as ingrained in you as my causing it, I just somehow feel righteous in accusing you, while exonerating my self of all the blame, even though we both did the same crime.
Perhaps this isn't making sense. I don't know. But I'm trying my best.

I'm not going to pass off my behavior on mood swings, or just being in those "teenage years". I know that I've been an unmanageable annoying girl, easy to dislike.
I'm not trying to excuse myself either. Simply trying to let myself express, in a nonviolent way that will perhaps make communication between us less stressful.

I feel horrible, watching your reaction, judging by the smallest slumping of your shoulders how disappointed I make you at times. But I don't know how to change it.
I'm going to find out.
Because I hate watching you, when I'm not happy, and so I make everyone around me not happy, and you take to it worse than the rest.

Sometimes I think I'm vindictive that way. I feel as though when everything crashes down, me being the prime target, I need to take everyone down with me, everyone that I can get my hands on. Instead of letting my bad moment pass, I dwell on it, let it fester, and then suddenly my mouth is full of peoples heads because I've bitten them off.

I try to make up for my inability to move, (laziness), to help out at all, by being overly cheerful, or annoyingly worried over the tiniest of things, or just downright annoying. I know several people who have taken all three views.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is, while I know that I've been inexcusable over the past few months, I will get better.
Just give me some time.