Blue seems to be my color lately..

..well, actually purple and yellow both look better on me, but that is beyond the point
I've been feeling lonely, of late. Dunno why, just been kind of down and, y'know, lonely. There isn't really another way to put it.
I'm pretty nervous for my upcoming singing recital. It's on June 2nd, and we're gonna be in a new room, (It's real big with a spotlight and the audience is in the dark) and allot of people that I know are coming, and what if I don't live up to their expectations? What if they are expecting this amazing broadway or operatic talent? Becuase I just don't have that voice... I'm getting there, real slow like, but I'm probably singing songs a little beyond my level. And think I sound alright singing them, and My teacher says I am doing awesome on them, but what if she's leading me on? How so I know if anyone is truly being honest with me, if I have no proof to go up against?
I guess that is what is called blind faith, which I think I have a small problem with. I told my Mum this and she said, "How do you know that I love you?"
So I thought about and came to the conclusion that I didn't know.
But know, as I think about it, I think I do. I feel it in every fiber and piece of my body, and I don't believe it without question. I have asked her before, "Do you love me?" and I have asked the same question in my head, but I know that she does.
So then, is blind faith when you believe in something without question?
I'm so confused.
Because if I start to think that nothing is solid, because I have no proof, it's like the world is crumbling away. So, I have to believe, if only in the ground and the sky and air. Y'know?
Yeah, I've been feeling philosophical lately.

I'm also a little worried. I really only have two really good friends, so naturally I'm a little possessive. And I don't want to drift apart and not hang out anymore, and grow up apart. And I'm scared that's going to happen soon. Because I don't really have anyone else, so I think I would miss them a lot if that happened.
So that's what has been lying heavily on my mind for awhile, now.

Gwee-taar

yep. I am actually re-learning the guitar. I know, amazing, eh? =p
I actually might take lessons. 'Course the guy I want has a waiting list. He's cool, though. Apparently, (I'm getting this through my dad), he'll teach me anything I want to learn, without having to learn the basic scales and such first.
I also already know the basic scales. Or most of them anyway.
lets see, I know the Chromatic, (sort of), C major, the blues scale, (not a basic scale, and sort of, not really), and, and- uh... hmm.
I don't know the basic scales.
But I do know chords! Whoppin'!
Well. I know some chords. Really not very many at all.
So, for the mo, I'm teaching myself from a book. It's called 'How to Play Guitar' by Roger Evans. It seems informative.
My current goal is to play a Norah Jones called Painter. Play and sing it.

Wouldn't it be cool to hang out on an English forum? I have been reading a book called Ptolemy's Gate, by Jonathon Stroud and it's the third and final (crappy ending, by the way) book in the Bartimaes trilogy. So, naturally I wanted to know how to pronounce Ptolemy. Well this is what I got: [ (tl-m)]
For the non-dictionary speaking among us, it is, I believe, TOE-leh-me. Not sure though.. I know the P is silent. Yeah, me and my bro were looking up the pronunciation on da internet and when this turned up we were like, and I quote, "Huh? um, yeah, lets try somewhere else.." < yes. our amazing talent for cutting sarcastic comments failed us at such a time of need.
hehe, our English lesson for the day. As though simple normal speech weren't enough, people still feel the need to question us, me mainly, about our learning habits. Apparently everything isn't a good enough teacher. *rolls eyes*
It's truly not that hard to wrap your brain around the fact that yes, I learn from living, rather than eight hours a day of canned 'education'. Deal with it.
*grumbles* some people..

just some fairly unremarkable news. 8b

yep.
so.
anyway.
aaaaaaand, th- thats all folks!

hee hee

okay, now I've got that out of my system, shall we get on to the unremarkable news?
I have actually decided on a bed!! *Chorus of holy angels belting Hallelujah*



yup, Me and Dad are going to rebuild my old loft bed. Actually, we ARE rebuilding my old loft bed, as we worked on it all weekend... The bed part is completely sanded with the first coat of stain on it, and the legs are built, also with the first coat of stain. And then, once it warms up a wee bit, (like a big wee, we're getting frigging SNOW! but that's a different story) I am going to put on the second coat, which is the same antique walnut, but with poly-something in it. I can't ever remember the name of it... *sigh*
and, It's gonna have an adjustable hight desk underneath it. It'll be awesome!!!!!!!!!!!

I've been hearing way too much about housing and apartment costs in Corvallis, Oregon in connection with my bro. I'm not ready for him to move out yet! Besides, he said he'd wait until I was sixteen, but with him missing Lady Rae and what not, I doubt he'll stick around for too long after he turns eighteen. I'll miss him pretty badly.. It's nice to have someone 'round the house who can relate to being a teenager and such. Not that I hate my parents! I love them with all my heart, but y'know.. It'll be different. =(
...depressing subject...

wa-HOO! I'm a TV prank star!!! yippee! Me and mah friend *name non-disclosed* made an American Idol spoof! It's really quite funny. I shall post it::



haha, funny eh?
*editorial note* We do actually have good singing voices, but that would sort of ruin the point of the video, yes?

soo, anyway, not really remarkable news.. but, better than horrible silence all of my devoted fans had to endure for almost AN ENTIRE MONTH!! *GASP*
jyaane.
which is Japanese for see ya later.



ALIGATOR!!!
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha - okay..